(From a real conversation, possibly edited to make me look witty)

He: Why is it you’re always taking money out of your wallet before we go out? Have you no self-control?

Me: You misunderstand, my friend. I take money out of my wallet before we go out because I have self-control.

He: If you really had self-control you could just leave it in your wallet and not spend it.

Me: What you fail to grasp here is that this is self-control… IN ADVANCE!